Dealing with the End of a Relationship

When a relationship ends, it takes time to sort through the remnants of your hopes and dreams, and it is common to end up stuck partway through the process. Unless the relationship meant nothing to you, there will be some degree of emotional residue left behind: regret, shame, guilt, anger, sorrow, and a host of other emotions churning around inside your head. How you deal with them determines how successful you are at moving on from this relationship.

Talk It Through

To begin with, the temptation to stay at home, close the curtains, and shut out the world will be strong. Contrary to what they say, misery doesn’t always like company. When the heart has been shattered, we want to withdraw from the human race. We can’t face other people, other happy people, and the thought of seeing our ex again is too upsetting.

But, becoming a hermit is not helpful. The best way to work through the shock, anger, and loss is to talk about it with a sympathetic friend. At times like these, we need our friends and loved ones more than anything. If they care, they will be there for you with a shoulder to cry on and a box of tissues ready and waiting. The more you talk through your chaotic emotions, the easier it will be to move on.

Say Goodbye

As Elsa says in Disney’s ‘Frozen’ movie, you have to “let it go!” Think about Dicken’s Miss Havisham. Do you want to end up like her? Hanging on to the remains of a dead relationship is seriously bad for your emotional wellbeing. Relationships end and life carries on. Say goodbye to your dreams and accept that this person is not the right person for you. Things happen for a reason, so if your relationship bit the dust, it wasn’t meant to be.

Let Go

Let go of the anger and hurt. It will feel raw and bloody right now, but the pain does fade. Try keeping a journal. Write it all down in your notebook: the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Writing is cathartic, especially if your friends are sick of hearing about your ex.

Delete your ex from your social media accounts and resist the temptation to stalk them online. Removing all traces of them from your life is both necessary and sensible. Obviously, it is impossible if you have to co-parent, so ask a trusted friend or relative to deal with child access arrangements and keep communications to a minimum.

If anger is preventing you from moving past the pain, collect photos, mementos, and anything that acts as a link to the past. Write down your feelings in a letter and burn the lot in the garden. It will feel surprisingly satisfying.